mahmurlemur

It's basically because I have ADHD.

The End.

Here is the longer version:

I get excited about a movie or a game and decide to make a sculpture of the main character. I immediately start without planning because I'm who I am. Without a plan or a sketch or measurements etc. after a while I have a rough sculpture and I realize the arms are too long or the neck is too short. So, I break it and remake some of the parts. Also, there is this feeling that I have to make it perfect because I know I'm going to post pictures of it and I want to be proud of it. I also tend to see all the imperfections because this is how you get better at art. You see the things that aren't good enough and you make them better, in the end you get better. With all these combined, months pass and I still can't finish it. Then, I decide to have a break because working on the same sculpture for months is frustrating. I start another sculpture that would be done quickly to make myself feel better. After that one finishes, I remember a project that I thought of before and never started. Why not do it now? Isn't it perfect timing? I finish that one too. After all that, it's time to get back to the first one and all I can think of is it's been months and I haven't finished it yet. I forget all about the things I've done in the meantime. So, I decided to write a blog about the things I did once in while to appreciate myself.

In this story, the main character is Travis. Travis is the robot behind Game Tester. He is our boss and he pays us taters when we work on a game test. We prefer to get paid by taters by the way because it's our main food source.

Travis is almost complete. Just some details are left and then I'm going to paint it. I'm so close!

Hey guys,
As you know I'm a self taught polymer clay sculptor and watercolor painter. I have a youtube channel called MahmurLemur that I publish polymer clay tutorials, watercolor speedpainting videos and tips&tricks videos about sculpting.
To be honest I have love and hate relationship with Youtube. I love publishing videos cause I know it will help my art to be recognized but I also hate it cause it is really hard to get known on Youtube or another social media platform and I believe my hard work doesn't get what it is worth. It is like trying to talk about the thing that is important to you in a really crowded and noisy environment where everybody else is shouting. In that environment you see a lot of people that is one tenths talented as you are but ten times more famous then you are and you feel like nobody hears you. You feel like you are doing something wrong, you feel like these platforms aren't for you. You feel exhausted and want to stop doing what you like because you think you will never get the appreciation. I feel this way once in a couple of months and I stop sculpting, I stop publishing videos, posting on social media. After a while I miss it and I start sculpting again. I make something I like. I want to share it. Then the cycle starts again. This is the psychological cycle I live in. This is why there are three months of breaks in some of my videos. If you don't publish for three months on youtube people forget you and if you start publishing again, you start all over.
Nowadays I decided to publish videos on 1st and 15th of every month. Two weeks is the time for me to make a video tutorial without getting stressed. From now on, I will kill the jealous needy woman inside me who always whines and doesn't appreciate the attention she got. I will be a real artist who just wants to be better at what she is doing. My only aim is going to be to improve myself and I am going to look other people's art just to get impressed, not to feel down on myself. Promise! Promise to myself! :)

It is time to appreciate and thank who watched this video which got 46K views on Youtube. Thank you for all who also watched my other videos, made great comments and appreciated what I've done so far!

Hey there!
As you know I publish polymer clay tutorials on Youtube. Maybe I can't publish videos as frequently as I want to but I watch videos on Youtube all the time. Recently I'm in love with restoration videos. I first came across a restoration of a classic oil painting that belongs to a famous painter whom I can't remember now. Then I saw the restoration of rusty, greasy, old antiques and I watch them all the time now :) It is fascinating to see that even such old and rusty items can be reused.

So I prepared a restoration video for you. This time I restore one of my sculptures that I made a couple of years ago. It is kind of a parody and I really enjoyed making it. I hope you enjoy watching.

Youtube has a new feature now. You can publish a scheduled video as premiere and you can chat with your viewer as you watch the video. So please create a reminder and let's watch it together!